I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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