Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
