Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
