Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
