omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
