Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
