im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
