Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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