i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
