i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
