I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
