i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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