It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
