Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
