I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
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