Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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