She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
