Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
