Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
