the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
