I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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