Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
