My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
