you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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