She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
