I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize