Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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