I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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