Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
