i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
