Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
