I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
