Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Never underestimate the power of titties
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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