I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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