Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
