On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I need to calm my uterus...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
