so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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