So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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