My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
