a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
