We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
