90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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