You're my little dorito
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
