I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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