Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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