Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i think i just lost a toe
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
