her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
