i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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