Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
