Im at strip club and am horny
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
