and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize