The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize