This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
