I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
