So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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