best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
