you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
