You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
