My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
