Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We had sex on a dog bed..
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
