He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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