"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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