Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
