If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
