You made me cry and you don't even care
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I forget how to act sober
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
