update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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