Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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