I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My vagina is officially offended.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
