So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
