She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just googled if crying burns calories
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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