we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
