here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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